Sam doesn’t know what leads him to the bathroom while he picks through the ruins of his apartment. There’s almost nothing salvageable left after a demon burned his life to the ground, but something tugs him in that direction and he’s too shell-shocked in its aftermath to try to stop it.
Black ash smeared on white porcelain, a charred hairbrush. It has him feeling ill, and he nearly walks away before a tiny white stick catches his eye and his stomach drops.
He crouches down slowly to pick it out from the debris. It tapers thin at one end and Sam feels like he can’t breathe, wipes soot off its display with numb, shaking fingers.
The tiny plus sign breaks him, and the pregnancy test clatters to the floor, a choked, inhuman noise clawing its way up out of Sam’s throat.
He thinks about the bloodstains on Jessica’s nightgown that could’ve been his child, and he presses his forehead against the floor and screams himself hoarse.
I fucking swear if Rowena becomes a danger to anything besides Lucifer because of that spell–because SAM made an empathetic decision–I am going to be so righteously pissed.
This whole thing better not blow up into something that’s “Sam’s fault” because he actually gives a shit about people. That’s what the fuck I am saying,
Yeah, Ive been worrying about that too. If it happens, not only will it be “Sam is wrong because he cares” but also “Sam is wrong because he’s been victimized”. Ive already seen some posts saying that Rowena “played” him in the car scene. I just. Please dont do that, Show.
If anything, it should be the reverse – Rowena owes Sam now for freeing her, and by the rules of classical fairy-tale magic Sam should be rewarded down the line for his compassion.
However it goes, Sam wasn’t played; what he says at the end about hunting Rowena down if necessary makes it clear that he knows the risks, evaluated them, and decided it was the right thing to do in spite of them. (And it’s a bit similar to what he said back in “The Scorpion and the Frog” about dealing with the demon and then killing him, which worked out as planned?)
ultimately i think kindness is the most radical thing you can do with your pain and your anger. it’s like, you take everything awful that’s ever been done to you, and you throw it back in the world’s teeth, and you say no, fuck you, i’m not going to take this. you say this is unacceptable. you say that shit stops with me.
humans are fucking terrible and this awful world we live in will fucking kill you but if you are kind, if you are brave and clever and try really hard, you can defy it. you can impose on this bleak and monstrous structure something beautiful. even if it’s temporary. even if it doesn’t heal anything inside you that’s been hurt.
i’m gonna sleep and i’m gonna wake up and i swear by everything in this deadly horrible universe i’m gonna make someone happy.
i’ve seen a number of comments and tags where people feel that they must swallow or repress their anger in order to engage in kindness. that is not at all what i am recommending here. radical kindness is an expression of anger. it is not passive. it is not repressive. it does not require you, in any way, to forgive those that have fucked you up. it does not require you to be quiet.
it just requires that you be kind. viciously. vengefully. you fight back. you plant flowers. give to charity. play games. pet someone’s dog. scream into the dark. paint and write and dance, tell jokes, sing songs, bake cookies. you have been hurt and you don’t have to deny that hurt. you just have to recognize it in other people, and take their hand, and say: no more. enough. fuck this. no more.
have a cookie.
i will say this again: we are all going to die. the universe is enormous and almost entirely empty. to be kind to each other is the most incredible act of defiance against the dark that i can imagine.
i will say this again: we are all going to die. the universe is enormous and almost entirely empty. to be kind to each other is the most incredible act of defiance against the dark that i can imagine.
3. Two good quotes by Kurt Vonnegut: “Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the
winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve
got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of,
babies-“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
And: “Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do
not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your
sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may
disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
#hopepunk
“Hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch, feeling lucky. It is an axe you break down doors with in an emergency. Hope should shove you out the door, because it will take everything you have to steer the future away from endless war, from the annihilation of the earth’s treasures and the grinding down of the poor and marginal… To hope is to give yourself to the future – and that commitment to the future is what makes the present inhabitable.”
Guys I am super emotional about seeing Jared playing the piano in the lobby at VanCon. We know he is musically inclined and can play the guitar (and the piano and who knows what else) and it kills me that he feels so insecure compared to others. One of the reasons I wish he would at least once play at a convention SNS, whether it be guitar or piano or singing or whatever he wants, is because I know how supportive the fans would be for Jared. I can just imagine how much the cheering and love and support would mean to him, and it might help him feel a bit more confident in his musical ability. I just wish he knew how fucking incredible he is.
