My takeaways from watching Shoshannah Stern’s panel:
1) She’s amazing and awesome and should be at every panel ever. I could watch panels of her all day.
2) Eileen 100% deserved better, but Shoshannah answered those questions with grace and reflection and I appreciate that. It would have been easy to feed the anger. But seriously fuck Buckleming.
3) Her interpreter was awesome and deserves all sorts of kudos for being flexible and bouncing back and forth between seats for each question, and for getting Shoshannah’s tone and humor and thoughts through flawlessly.
4) Panels are 100000x better to watch/listen to without fans screaming obnoxiously at every word.
5) Shoshannah is totally on board the Saileen ship. 🙂 🙂 🙂
6) Robbie Thompson is a treasure and we need him/more of him.
7) We always hear how good J2 (and the crew) are to guest stars, but it was awesome to hear again how they welcomed Shoshannah in and worked with her, not around her (like apparently Jensen would cue her).
8) Representation matters, y’all.
9) Thank you, fans, for not asking dumb questions.
10) Shoshannah is amazing and awesome and should be at every panel ever. (Did I already say that? Too bad.)
What if little tiny Sammy died of SIDS, and little toddler Dean made up a story about fires and demons to explain why his baby brother wasn’t around anymore?
ok. but what about.
dean gets hurt on a hunt and wakes up in a mental institution. john is there. and mary. they tell him this is the first time he’s been lucid in years. dean’s shouting about getting back to sammy, to protect him, there’s demons after him. and john and mary just look real tired. and sad. and mary crouches down next to him all gentle and says sammy- sammy died dean. as a baby. you don’t- don’t you remember? we had a funeral. you were only four… try and remember for me baby.
and god it feels so real, and his mom and dad, they’re there. mary touched him and it’s everything he remembers, down to the smell of her hand cream. but it can’t be real, can it? so he lashes out, rushes for the door, and john has to hold him back him until a nurse comes in with a sedative and knocks him out.
he wakes up in a different hospital, sam but his side, smiling at him as soon as he opens his eyes dude, you took a pretty good bang to the head. they say you’ll be fine, though. be outta here in a few days. dean tells sam about his dream and sam shrugs it off, concussions, man.
a few weeks later he goes to sleep in his motel bed, sam snoring a few feet away, and wakes up in a hospital bed, arms restrained, belted to the bed. mary’s there again, sitting beside him, rubbing his hand. and he opens his eyes but he feels so tired. mom? she whispers when she talks to him, shh baby. we’re going for a little field trip today. you feel up for that?
and he doesn’t realize where she’s taking him until it’s too late. it’s sunny out, brighter than it has any right to be as she leads him to it. the tiny headstone fashioned in the shape of a teddy bear, engravings weathered and rounded with age.
Hush my dear, be still and slumber, Jolly angels guard your bed
Samuel Winchester 5/2/1983-11/2/1983
and it’s real. the stone is solid under his fingertips and the grass beneath his knees is damp and seeps through his jeans and he can almost remember it, standing here over twenty five years ago, holding his father’s hand, not really understanding but trying to be brave, be a brave little soldier for daddy ok? he remembers, and it’s real.
on the ride back mary explains as best she can. he’d had a psychotic break, twenty two years to the day after sam’s death, no one really knows why. he’s been institutionalized for years, semi-catatonic until a new experimental treatment became available. after the third treatment he began having these moments of lucidity. but we need you to fight for it baby, we need you to fight your way back to us. the doctors had explained, the treatment is only the first step, but if dean doesn’t fight to stay in the real world, he’ll revert right back into those delusions.
mary signs him back in and dean pulls her into a tight hug before she leaves. i love you mom. i’m so sorry. tell dad i lo- his voice catches- i love him too. she pecks his cheek, tells him it’s ok, that she loves him too, that she’ll see him tomorrow.
but she won’t. it’s his choice, right? the life he remembers may be nothing but a paranoid delusion, but he’ll take delusions any day over a world without his brother in it. when dean wakes up the next morning, it’s to the smell of convenience store coffee and the sound of sam turning on the motel shower.
1. nicknames – Gilbs, occosionally. And sometimes giraffe (that one was supplied by myself though lol)
2. gender – female
3. star sign – Gemini
4. height – 5′9″
5. time – 8:01 pm
6. birthday – in June
7. favorite bands? – Imagine Dragons, Pentatonix, Of Monsters and Men, Oh Wonder
8. favorite solo artists? – Luke Bryan, Maren Morris, Jon Bellion,
9. song stuck in my head? – Boys and Buses from the Nashville soundtrack
10. last movie you watched? – Beauty and the Beast! the new one which they just put on Netflix and im obsessed again
11. last show you watched? – Nashville
12. when did you create your blog? – I’m pretty sure it was 2013?
13. what do i post? – Literally all SPN all the time, 90% of which is Jared/Sam
14. last thing i googled? – my bus route
15. do you have any other blogs? – I have several side blogs for my other tv shows (i hardly post on them though), one for a band (i used to be really active on it but i’m not anymore) and then an aesthetic sideblog, which is mainly just stuff i thought looked pretty, quotes, etc. I’ve been meaning to get a photography blog started for a while now but havent done it.
16. do you get asks? – very rarely
17. why did you choose your url? – cause i loove boyking!sam
18. following? – 380
19. followers? – 929
20. favorite colors? – turqouise and purple
21. average hours of sleep? – like 6? ish
22. lucky number? – 13
23. instruments? – I used to play the flute, and i used to love it but then i was in my high school band and they were kind of really serious and i was not about it
24. what am i wearing? – leggings and TWLOA tank top 🙂
25. how many blankets do you sleep with? – Just one fuzzy one
26. dream job? – no idea. Really. Is there a job where i can get paid with just petting dogs? or horses. That would be it
27. dream trip? – Going to Italy and exploring the cities and seeing the ruins and going to museums to see the artwork
28. favorite fruit? – green apples or wild raspberries
29. nationality? – American
30. favorite song right now? – Waking up the Giants by Gizfolk
