Just stuff i have to get off my chest/out of my mind

Someone on here put up a couple of pages from Jared’s chapter in “Family Don’t End With Blood. I can’t find the post anymore, so i’m guessing they deleted it or it gotten taken down or whatever. But i saw it before i was gone…and to be honest it has kind of fucked me up over the past couple of days. The pages were Jared explaining his breakdown two years ago last spring. Right before the Rome and Australia conventions, how he wasn’t sure he could do it, he didnt want to be alive basically. I can’t remember the exact line, but it was something like ‘i had to go back home or i was going to go away forever.’ He talked about sitting on a bench in Rome and crying, just crying his eyes out because that’s how suddenly and badly it had hit him. And honestly, it broke my heart. I felt realy physical pain reading it, and still do when i think about it. It’s so distressing to me, to think that someone like Jared has 1) felt and put words to very real feelings i have had before and 2) could ever feel that way. And not because he’s an actor, or because he’s rich, or famous. But because of who he is. Because he’s kind and genuine and goofy and sincere and just one of the best people in the entire freaking world that i have ever had the privilege of meeting. Because he’s someone i’ve met all of three times, and i care about him just as much as lifelong friends. Sometimes it ust knocks me back how we truly don’t know how much people are going through, and how it could be anybody, I know this and i’ve seen this but sometimes i forget. Shoutout to Jared for being brave enough to share his struggles with the SPN family, because he wrote how much strength it gave him, and cotinues to give him. That that one little candle given to him at Comic Con is one of his favorite possessions. And if i could have one wish it’d be that he sees how much we all care for him, that he sees what an inspiration he is, how strong he is and that he never feels like he did on that day on that bench in Rome ever again.

— 12.20

shipping-inc-universe:

In the Supernatural fandom we don’t say I love you. We say

he’s the only one who gets to call me that

there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you

you’re my weak spot and I’m yours

there’s nothing – past or present – that I’d put in front of you

because I couldn’t live with you dead

there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you

I’m not gonna leave you

he’s my brother

yourfavoritedirector:

~~more like whine amirite~~

beekeepercain:

Jared is good.

a stitch undone

transgendersam:

Pairing: Sam/Dean

Rating: Teen

Length: ~3k

Summary:

Years go by, all containing more of the same, and Sam feels himself unraveling. At least, he thinks he does, in the moments he can remember. Linear timelines don’t exactly make sense to him anymore. He isn’t sure how long they can keep going like this–despite the rumors, they are only human.

On AO3 (notes, too, didn’t put them on the post bc minor spoilers to fic)

Dean had made a point to put as much distance between them and Arizona as possible. Sam sometimes wondered at Dean’s keen skills of avoidance. They were uncanny.

They had struck a Northeastern path across the ‘States, skittering from one interstate to the other and lurking in motels when they had the cash. Sam had a theory that there were only fifty-two or fewer real motels in existence, and each hunt, week by week, brought them to another. At this point, they’d cycled through the lot of them several times over. Each time Sam saw the same green bedspread with those little mosslike circles crowding close to one another, he became a little more nauseated.

Keep reading