Can Sam please tell Jack about what Lucifer did to him
sam looks at lucifer talking to jack, feeling sick, and he knows he has to say something, he knows he does. but if sam can’t even say it under the best of conditions, then he DEFINITELY can’t say it with lucifer smiling at him over jack’s shoulder.
and jack’s a child, he’s not even a year old, he don’t deserve to be saddled with this burden, this legacy of evil, these crimes too huge and hideous for sam to speak.
“I’m gettin’ to Jack, one way or the other. The only question is, you coming with? Or that?”
Lucifer shines his flashlight on the swarm of vampires clawing at the entrance, and Sam knows he’s right. With or without him, Lucifer will get to Jack. To Dean, to Cas, to Mom – everyone. As always, Sam’s choice is no choice at all.
The voice inside his head is screaming a siren of “I told you so.” Letting Lucifer into the bunker, letting him anywhere near Sam or his family is always a mistake. No matter how many times they think they have him trapped, it always ends the same way: with the Devil on the loose, and standing in front of Sam. Again.
But “I told you so’s” mean about as much as his illusion of free will right now. Which is to say, nothing at all. Even if Sam chooses the the vampires, there is no doubt in his mind that Lucifer will bring him back and offer him the same deal again. And again, and again, and again, until he gets what he wants. It’s not the first time they’ve played this game, after all.
(Sam’s mind flashes back to motel rooms and overdoses, and guns pressed against his temple and waking up gasping every. Single. Time. “I’ll kill myself before letting you in” hadn’t worked then either.)
And Lucifer is looking at him, looming large in the shadows with his fingers poised to release the horde of vamps, and Sam wishes he hadn’t brought him back. He would rather be dead in a foreign world than feel this helpless again. As much as he wants to say “go to Hell” he knows it won’t change the outcome.
The Devil has a chain wrapped around his neck as sure the blood drying stiff on his throat, and no matter what he chooses he’ll have to say yes.
Why does Mary get to be a mom to everyone but Sam and Dean:(
“They took my brother I’m going to get him back”
Dean, summing up all of Supernatural in one sentence
Rowena: How do you deal with [your memories of Lucifer]? Sam: I guess I don’t…deal with it. Not really. I mean… I’ve pushed it down and I… The world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down. I don’t know… I don’t really talk about it. Not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’s listen, but… It’s not something I really know how to share. Even if you do get the book. Even if you do get your power back, it won’t matter. You won’t ever be able to change what happened. You won’t be able to change how helpless you felt. Or how helpless you feel. You’re still going to get scared… and that feeling… that feeling never goes away. Rowena: Never? Sam: Never.
But he’d take it—God, he’d take her as long as she’d have him.
Every time she slipped her fingers into his or grinned at him like everything in the world was an inside joke just for them or painted his toenails when they were both stressed out from classes, he started to believe just a little more that he could be something better.
She told him he was kind (not awkward) and smart (not obsessive or avoidant) and perfect (not broken, not monstrous, unclean), and he broke himself open and tried to find words to tell her that she was everything.
Jessica Moore made him feel whole, like happily ever after wasn’t an illusion but a reality just a half-step in front of him.
One day, surely, she’d realize that he wasn’t the kind of person she could love, and she’d leave, but until then, he would give her everything—everything but the scars and chasms… because she made him feel like they didn’t matter anymore.
Backup bloh 