listen. sam winchester. when someone goes through all the things he has been through- loss, trauma, hell itself- when you break someone, most people turn around for revenge or some break beyond repair.
but not sam winchester. a lot of the universe conspired to break him and what did he do? he only wanted to make things right. he wanted to save people, save the world from all the evil in in by standing tall and drawing strength from that very motive. by having faith and compassion. he almost gave up, yes, but when he realised he still had a brother and angel who loved him no matter what, he realised he could do good in this world. he remembered that he did do good. he saved the world.
what i’m trying to tell you is, when the world tells you that you’ve done more harm than good, that you deserve nothing, you listen. you listen but you don’t let it get to you, you fight for your beliefs, you draw strength from all that grounds you.
when the universe wants you to be lucifer, you say no. i’m going to be sam fucking winchester.
• thinking about jensen getting the scripts for dean and absolutely Loving them, and getting excited to play this new, interesting character, and then actually acting as dean and bringing such a great depth to the character, giving him little quirks, and adding layers to him. years pass and jensen changes with dean. they like the same music. he likes pie a lot more. he’ll kill for the impala. he knows dean’s gun by its weight in his hands. he’s bolder. he’s happier. he knows when the script isn’t fitting, he knows how to alter the lines to fit his dean, the dean he’s sculpted for 13+ years— and onwards. just. jensen and dean. what the fuck
What’s the hardest part of playing Dean for 10 years? someone asked him once.
Someday I’ll have to say goodbye to him, Jensen had replied.
But he can’t, and he won’t, not really. Dean Winchester is a ghost that will haunt Jensen Ackles for the rest of his life, trapped in the steadiness of his hands, leaking out into the world through the rough rumble of his voice on an otherwise ordinary morning.
There’s no breaking from that, there is no forgetting, and there is no moving on.
Him and Dean, they’re one in the same now – it’s just that one has been left in the past, and the other, Jensen thinks as he settles down to read his children their bedtime story, is living for the future.
Sam has been thinking, lately, about wanting to live.
Not that he hasn’t thought about it before, that is. He’s thought about living in the same way he’s thought about dying. He’s thought of it as his duty, thought of continuing to struggle and fight not out of any sense of self-preservation but simply out of a twisted sense of obligation to the world. He’s forced himself to carry on in order to solve problems caused by cosmic forces, by his friends and family, by himself.
This time, though? He hasn’t been thinking about it out of some misplaced devotion to the job or some lingering sense of guilt for debts left unpaid. He’s been thinking about wanting to live for its own sake. For his own sake.
He wakes from the dream about Toni, the violation of it, wakes to his foot throbbing and his head aching, his skin itching after hours spent coated in sweat and blood, and finds he isn’t resigned like he’s grown so used to expecting. Instead, he’s angry. The world has already taken so much from him. He’s already given so much – his friends, his family, most of his life. He’ll be damned if he’s going to give up the rest of the life he has left. He deserves better than that.
I want to live, he thinks, easily, immediately, like there’s never been a time when that wasn’t the case.
YES. It’s just so perfect. The other adults, understandably, were cautious, but the baby girl was just like NO HE’S HURTING LET ME GO TO HIM. I identify with her. Those were my feelings exactly.
According to a fan who watched them film that day (here), in between takes Jared would play with the little girl to make sure she won’t get scared by things going around her. I think she was truly upset in this scene because she doesn’t understand that Sam in pain was all pretend, that’s how strong of a rapport Jared had with the little girl.
Backup bloh 