This scene perfectly illustrates why I’m endlessly banging on about Dean not letting the crap define him and retaining his softer qualities. Dean shouldn’t have been given responsibility of his brother at such a young age. It was not okay. That’s a given. That’s not what I’m shouting about when I make gifs about Dean being caring or empathetic or embracing his nurturing side. This is what I’m shouting about. Dean didn’t have to come up with a hundred and one ways to make macaroni and cheese. He could have told Sam to can his complaints and just eat the damn food. But he was trying to make Sam happy. Just look at Dean’s face when he talks about how Sam found the fluffaroni exotic. That’s a good memory for him: making Sam that disgusting mac and cheese because obviously Sam was a fan. Sam freaking loved marshmallow fluff so much that his imaginary friend Sully brought him marshmallow nachos in 11.08.
Dean obviously liked making his little brother happy, when all that was expected of him was to keep Sam safe. There was no make Sammy happy clause from John. He came up with that part by himself.
The burden of taking care of Sam didn’t create the soft, nurturing part of Dean. But it didn’t take it away either, which is why I’m always yelling about soft Dean. He retained those qualities, despite all the crap he had to go through, and that’s what I love.
“Listen to me, you’ve got this dark pit inside you. I know. Believe me, I know. But that doesn’t mean you have to fall into it. You don’t have to be a monster…It doesn’t matter what you are. It only matters what you do.”
Jessica stares incredulously at the boy standing in
the middle of her living room occupying Sam’s personal space like it’s his own;
like it’s where he belongs.
Dean’s green gaze is a little wicked; his smirk a
little tongue-in-cheek.
She feels akin to Dean, in a way that makes her eyes
sting and her stomach churn.
Jessica sees how Sam looks at that boy; like he’s an
oasis in a desert, and she feels hollow and cheated when she realizes: He never
looked at me like that.
Dean looks her up and down like a lion might look at
an antelope, Thanks for keeping him warm
for me, sweetheart, I’ll take it from here.
When Sam kisses Jessica’s cheek and tells her, ‘I’ll be back by Monday,’ she feels Sam
disappearing through her fingers, like smoke.
Dean doesn’t notice Sam’s beard growing in until he looks up one morning and double-takes at the mountain man entering the kitchen.
“Dude,” he says, and Sam, soft in long-sleeved T-shirt and sweatpants, blinks at him through a halo of tousled hair. Come to think of it, that’s longer than normal too, curling at the nape of his neck where it’s usually disciplined into something at least approximating order just under his ears.
“You going for some kind of Chewbacca deal?” Dean asks, and Sam rubs a hand over his jaw, back up through his hair which ends up sticking up worse than ever.
“Just don’t see the need to cut it right now,” he says. “I only do it for the Fed outfits, anyway, and we haven’t had a proper case in forever.” Then he shuffles over to the coffee machine and makes himself a fancy latte with one of the bottles of syrup that have appeared on the counter in the last few weeks.
“I’m pretty sure you’ve been a good few inches off an FBI regulation cut for the past five years,” says Dean. Sam shrugs broad shoulders and Dean looks down at his black coffee, sniffing enviously and surreptitiously at the caramel-vanilla scent that wafts in his direction from Sam’s girly turquoise eco-mug. It’s true that they haven’t caught a hunt in a little while. It might be something to do with the Brits; they got so used to being drip-fed leads via text message that he and Sam have gotten lazy on their usual routine of scouring the web for whatever weird stuff might be happening in their line. Add to that, it’s summer, and things always just seem to die down a little this time of year. It’s like payback for the enormous shit-show that kicks off every spring.
Oh goodness, yes, Anon, Sam is the baddest of badasses and the sweetest of cinnamon rolls. Sam’s displays of his power during s4 don’t fall on my favorite moments list because that whole season is so unbearably painful to watch. (That’s not to say that him killing Alastair wasn’t super freaking intense, though!)
In the same way, Sam’s displays of strength in, say, 10.01 and Mystery Spot don’t really register on my badassery scale, though I totally see why many people like them. The moments I find Sam to be most badass (usually!) have little to do with ruthlessness, though.
Here are some parts I thought Sam was particularly badass:
Psychic Sam using freaking telekinesis to free himself when Max is threatening Dean (1.14).
Sam throwing himself in front of a Wendigo, arms spread, to protect two innocent people (1.02).
Sam taking down a few werewolves and saving the day after being shot in the gut and pretty much choked to death (11.17).
Sam in “The Usual Suspects” wasn’t a badass in the traditional sense, but the way he and Dean were totally competent sassmasters made me happy. Like, how freaking awesome is my tall puppy son?
Sam leading the Special Children in 2.21. Again, it wasn’t a display of violence that made it seem so badass to me, but it was instead the way he prioritized the safety of the people around him over his own fear. What is that if not badass?
Any time Sam does a spell, honestly. (Witch!Sam feelings!)
Scary as heck, but Sam taking control of the dream in “Dream a Little Dream of Me.” I mean, no big deal. He’s just doing what this other guy has spent ages learning to do without any effort at all.
Psychic-nosebleed!Sam. I know I said s4 is tough for me, but HNGHHH.
Sam in “My Bloody Valentine.” It’s not his displays of power that make him so badass to me, but the fact that Famine’s influence made lovers eat each other, but Sam not only had the presence of mind to make his friends lock him up, but the strength of will to refuse the blood/strength offered to him when he was literally right in front of Famine, which made even Castiel, an angel, lose himself in his desire to indulge.
“Swan Song.” That is all.
Soulless!Sam. Especially that bit where he chewed into his own forearm to get the blood necessary to paint a huge devil’s trap on the ceiling. Smart!Sam + Badass!Sam is the best combination.
Sam taking back his Soulless memories and absorbing his Hell!Self in order to wake up and help Dean. “You know me. You know why.” Honestly Sam is the most badass when he is not holding a weapon. His true displays of power so rarely involve violence.
Sam in “Born Again Identity.” Sometimes he shows the most breathtaking strength when he is physically and mentally at the end of his rope.
Sam hunting hellhounds in s8 and s12. Glasses are a plus.
Sam taking out a series of demons while doing his best not to hurt the host in “Our Little World.”
Sam facing the guy who tortured him for centuries head-on in 11.09 and 11.10. That is one of the most badass things anyone could ever do.
Sam doing whatever he could to save people in “Don’t Call Me Shurley,” which ultimately led to him getting infected by the Evil Fog of Doom.
“You can ask me any kind of question you want. The answer’s gonna be the exact same–Screw you. You want to get mad? You want to get mean? I’ve been tortured by the Devil himself, so you—you’re just an accent in a pantsuit. What can you do to me?”
Leader!Sam in 12.22.
(And many more.) But those are just a handful of my favorites.
Dean sits in stunned silence for a moment, before turning to his brother. “Sam, what–”
“When I was sixteen,” Sam continues softly, like he didn’t just lay an earth shattering, gut wrenching, heart pounding revelation at Dean’s feet, “I came home really upset and told you I thought I liked guys. I was so scared, Dean. All I knew about being bi was the guys in the locker room muttering about beating up any queers that looked at them too long. But, you. You, you remember what you told me?”
Dean is stunned into silence. He remembers that day, yeah. Remembers how clean and freshly cut Sam was as a man-boy, and how blue his eyes were when he cried. He remembers holding Sam against his chest, feeling the protruding bones of his spine and thinking that Sam was both the most fragile piece of glass and strongest cut diamond in the world. He remembers pulling back and saying–
“You told me I could love whoever I wanted, that it didn’t make a damn bit of difference to you. That nothing in this world could make you turn from me or think any less. You,” and Sam smiles, thinking, a little bit of that sixteen year old left in Sam’s thirty-two year old grin, “you told me I could bring a goat to the prom.”
Dean smiles in spite of himself, pressing his shaking hands together. “Sammy, I–”
“You gave me permission to love you this way that day, Dean. And I’ve never stopped, not ever. I told myself if I ever got back out of that cage I’d, I’d tell you. So.”
Dean presses his side into Sam from where they’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder in the dim light of Sam’s room. His brother has never been anything but brave, and so fucking smart to pick up on the hidden meaning he meant all those years ago, hoping he’d both never figure out, and hoping he would.
Dean turns his head to look at Sam, and Sam is already staring at him. Their eyes catch, and every year of their shared history plays between them. Every beautiful, painful inch, and Dean knows what he’s about to do will change nothing and everything.
Backup bloh 