“Hey – hey, what’s wrong?” Dean’s voice is still groggy with sleep, but he can hear Sam’s deep breaths; the barely-held-in sniffles. He gets out of his bed, stumbling towards Sam’s, touching his arm.
“Nothing,” Sam’s voice is hoarse. “Nothing’s wrong. Go back to sleep.”
They’re on a case, staying at a motel for the first time in a long time, the comfort of the bunker left behind.
Dean crawls into Sam’s bed – hey, he doesn’t give a damn – and turns towards him. “C’mon. I’m not stupid.”
“I – I don’t know why I’m upset,” Sam suddenly says, his voice soft. “And it feels so fucking stupid.”
Dean bites his lip. “Is this…kind of what we talked about the other day? That you’re…feeling sad, and stuff?”
Sam nods, staring down at the comforter.
He keeps his lip between his teeth, concentrating, trying to figure out how to say it gently. “Sam – Sammy. I…man, it’s not…normal to wake up crying in the middle of the night, you know? Have you…”
Sam looks at him – and he always looks at him like he’s his whole world – and swallows hard. “What?”
“…I think you’re depressed, Sam. Not just – ‘oh, I had a bad day and I’m sad.’ But…like depressed. I don’t know a lot about…y’know, this kind of stuff, but I know you’ve been suffering. And man, you don’t…you don’t have to suffer.” Dean reaches for him, ‘cause he knows that physical affection will soften the blow. Not that he minds holding him, anyway.
The whole room’s suddenly quiet, save for the way Sam exhales into the crook of Dean’s arm, and the way the coarseness of Dean’s hand glides against the soft fabric of Sam’s t-shirt.
“I think I am, too,” he murmurs, as if giving in, struggling to accept this thing that’s been haunting him for months now. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”
Dean holds him, moving his hand to Sam’s hair. “Maybe we should…” He swallows thickly. “Book an appointment with someone? And just…see what they say?” Two years – hell, even a year ago – he’d be against this. But…seeing the way this invisible force of grief is tearing through Sam is breaking his heart.
Honestly…he knows the feeling. And he doesn’t want that for Sam; he never has.
“Okay,” Sam acquiesces after a minute. “I’ll…I’ll go. See someone.”
Dean can hear the fear in his voice. “I’ll come with you. Don’t worry. Okay? I have your back.” He squeezes him tightly.
Sam nods, but he knows…eventually, at least part of this will come down to being in love with Dean, and not being able to tell him.
It always does; doctors can’t right this kind of wrong, even with drugs.
Tag: pining!sam
Pining!Sam Wincest fic recs
anon, I managed to lost your question, I am sorry, tumblr ate it
Hope ypu can find some reading there
All Roads Lead to You Two decades later, Dean Winchester is a hardened hunter, alone in the world, chasing down a nest of vampires. When the hunt goes wrong, he’s forced to take an emergency responder as a hostage and leave the city in a hurry. Except his hostage is too pretty for comfort, Dean is badly hurt, and trouble seems to follow them both at every turn. Deeply tangled into a trap that had been set decades ago, they find that nothing can break them as easily as they can break each other.
Facta non Verba Dean is ten when Sam stops talking, and the rest of it is up to him.
Inheritance Turns out Bobby left behind a whole lot more than a flask and a few crates of books. Sam and Dean deal with the aftermath of what Bobby’s left for them to inherit and try to reconnect post-Purgatory.
The House Always Wins After the angels fall, the boys take some hard-won time away from the world so Sam can heal. Things at their new home aren’t as restful as they’d hoped, however, as old feelings between the brothers begin to resurge. As if that weren’t enough, it turns out that they’re not as alone in the bunker as they thought.
Creep (poetry) Being 14 is never easy. You have the hormones and the teenage drama.
Being 14 and a hunter is even less fun. All that moving around, always being the new kid, it sucked.
But nothing ever prepared Sam for being 14, a hunter, and in love with his big brother.
Let it Ride While transporting relics from John’s old storage to the Men of Letters bunker the Winchesters lose an item with disastrous results.
Like a Fish Out of Water AU after Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie. During the final battle with the Leviathans, God finally makes an appearance and deigns to intervene. After granting Sam and Dean a few final requests, he ‘packs his bags’ and takes everything supernatural in existence with him. Left with nothing to hunt, Sam talks a reluctant Dean into settling down in a small town outside of Sioux Falls. Sam seems to want them live a normal kind of life, but between the ridiculous estate sale Sam bought to furnish the house, the arrival of a very human Castiel who’s overwhelmed by human emotions, and their quirky, invasive neighbors, it’s anything but. Dean’s having a difficult time adjusting, convinced everything couldn’t be more abnormal until Sam reveals exactly what kind of life he wants to have with Dean. Dean can’t deny the part of him that wants it–but can he accept it?
One Going On Eternity And Counting Some boundaries were never meant to be crossed …
Loudmouth Sam describes their sex life to the Feds. Sometime around season 2 or 3, Sam’s in an interrogation room with some cop/FBI agent who’s trying to convince him to provide evidence against Dean. They ask why Sam’s staying with someone who’s brought him nothing but trouble, and the cops listen on in horror as Sam calmly replies with a fifteen-minute dissertation on how he’s a total slut for Dean’s cock. Maybe he’s fed up and being sarcastic, maybe he’s under a truth spell, maybe he knows he’s going to be rescued in an hour and just doesn’t give a shit anymore. Maybe it’s all true, or maybe Sam’s making it up but secretly wishes it were true. Bonus points if Dean somehow hears or sees the interview tape and gets crazy turned-on. No major embarrassment squick, please – Sam really doesn’t care what the cops think of him. He can be ashamed if *Dean* finds out, as long as Dean enthusiastically sets him straight.
A Peacefulness Follows Sam breaks Deans deal and realizes that what he wants most is Dean.
They Say You Die Twice As the time on Dean’s deal is drawing to a close, Dean takes Sam to a run-down ranch to recuperate after the days that Never Were, so that Sam might have at least one moment of perfect peace to remember him by – just in case. Unbeknownst to the boys, the nearby forest has its own unique way of preserving memories.
The Circle The Winchesters find a case that involves the destruction of an ancient and powerful Witches’ Coven. The problem is that the Witches seem to be back, and they’re taking their anger out on local teenagers.
A List of Typos Made by God The summer before Sam leaves for Stanford, Dean begins to forget his relationship with Sam. Every morning he remembers less, and Sam is just waiting for the day Dean forgets him completely.
Salt Water Cure Set after episode 10.5 “Fan Fiction”- Sam and Dean have to be pretend boyfriends for a case which leads to many changes neither of them ever expected
We Can Make It If We Run Sam and Dean grow up learning to depend first and foremost on each other, but it’s never easy. Their lives are violent and unpredictable, and as they grow, so do the dangers they face. Sometimes Sam wonders if they’ll survive into adulthood, or if he’ll take his deep love for his brother to an early grave.
Sunshine in your eyes The one where they go to the beach.
Merry Sexmas, Sammy A sex-obsessed witch curses Sam. Sam has to be claimed by Dean and follow his every order before the clock strikes twelve or he’ll die. Sam freaks out at first, worried how Dean will feel, but it turns out Dean doesn’t really have a problem with any of that. At all.
Between a Rock and a Warm Embrace After two vegetarian restaurants, an almost serious usage of the term “buttercup,” and an incident with Dean’s mouth pressed against his ear, Sam came to the disorienting conclusion that they were quite possibly dating. Or, more accurately, that Dean was honest-to-god courting him like a modern-day knight in distressed leather armour.
Regression Progression Dean neglects to use the hex bag to turn back to his adult self. Things are… different. AU from 10.12, About a Boy.
Caught In The Act Dean walks in on Sam while he is “busy” and hears him moan his name. where they act on their feelings but both think that they’ve taken advantage of the other. they stay at Bobby’s and Dean tries to romance Sam, then Castiel shows up.
Tears Are Just Like the Rain Sam and Meg’s little bit of physical contact in the warehouse has made Dean just a little (yeah right) jealous.
Backup bloh 